Walmer Convenience


Hockey players and baseball players hate rap music. Football players have brain damage. That leaves basketball players as the major league sports dudes who try to make it in the rap game. Notice how I skillfully avoided saying that it was because it’s the sport with the most bla…damn.

Anyway, who are the greatest ballers to ever spit a verse? By greatest we mean worst and by verse we mean words that might rhyme and make sense sometimes. Who, after hitting the top level of one of America’s greatest games has gone to the lowest depths of one of America’s greatest musical genres. Come, take a journey with me. Hold my hand. Sorry it’s a little sweaty.

Let’s begin our series with the big man:


Wow. The vid is so fucking 90’s it fucking hurts my brain. Can someone make a gif of dude jumping out of the truck trailer? Please? Interesting fact: His album Shaq-Fu actually went platinum. Yeah. Why don’t we watch another?

Wow. So much tragedy in that. Horrible rapping. Poor Nate Dogg (RIP) obviously had made some bad investments to be on the hook for that track. Dude has done hooks for some of the best tracks ever. And then there is also really bad lip synching.

That song I’m just like: “Your flow is making your life story sound boring”.

Wow that video just makes your brain explode. It’s Shaq driving to a party in that weird building by LAX with Oscar De La Hoya and then fucking Steven Segal and fucking Cuba Gooding Junior are at that fucking party? And Dj Quick made this beat? What the fuck is going on with this?

This one is hard because you can tell that the man is trying to be heartfelt and have a real message but you can’t help laughing at shit like: “You brought me into this world but you’re not my dad/messin around wit dem drugs make my moms mad”.

What the fuck? Shaq on some shit with some of the most legit dudes in the game? This is some fucked up shit. Don’t even know what to say about that. And you may think that’s the craziest shit yet. But there’s more…

Wow. Shaq Diesel (true nickname) with RZA and Meth? They’re saying no hooks but there are so many hooks in that video. What are they going to do with all of them? RZA was like “my vampire grills need to be heavily featured in this video”.

There you go.


This entry was published on March 5, 2013 at 9:34 am. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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