I got my head so far up the underground and paid no attention to the mainstream of electronic music that I couldn’t tell you the dates of Camp Bisco, EDC or Ultra (March is the best I can do) or any shit like that. I hate huge festivals.
I’ve seen so much coverage of this thing on other blogs that I’m like “I’ll get some hits. I’ll post about that shit”. But I’m just gonna say exactly what I think about each artist or group instead of pretending I have a boner over everything because I ain’t even fucking trying to get any VIP backstage press shit to this.
1. Above & Beyond: I have no fucking idea who this is? Is it two guys? What is this the supergroup of Avicii and Skrillex that I wouldn’t care about? Just looked them up. They make progressive trance so in my language that means entry level dick soft music. I say I accept everyone’s taste in music but if you like trance I do make judgements on the inside.
2. Afrojack: Total noob shit. Like, if you like this shit in 2013/14 you prob discovered dance music through pop radio.
3. Alesso. Don’t know shit. Don’t care.
4. Armin Van Buren: This is for people that don’t like music or receptionists or call centre employees.
5. Avicii: All I know is that one track and good for him. Prob made tons of cash. Otherwise he seems like what you would like in grade 9.
6. Carl Cox: Is this a museum? Am I allowed to take flash photos or touch the artifacts?
7. Can’t even read this name
8. David Guetta: My younger sister liked his shit in like 2006. If you like this now I don’t know what to tell you. I think we are too different to communicate.
9. Diplo: I guess I would like a lot of the songs that he would play. He did a lot of great collabs recently.
10. Hardwell: Couldn’t name one fucking song and care so little I’m not even gonna look shit up.
11. Kaskade: Progressive house. No thanks just not interesting to me.
12. Krewella: I have no fucking idea what this is, yet hear everyone talk about it. There’s like chicks in this group or something. This just makes me think of some bad electro Evanescence. Prob wrong but too late. Unfiltered. Just saw a photo. Yeah this looks terrible. Sure lots of dudes wanna finger the chicks tho.
13. Loco♦︎Dice: No fucking idea
14. Luciano: No fucking idea. Sounds terrible.
15. Marco Carola: No fucking idea but from the name I would say boring house.
16. New World Punx: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?
17. Nicky Romero: Big room noob “i just did molly” shit
18. Solomun: No fucking clue. Here, let me looks this up. Sounds like shit that people from Russia would like.
19. Steve Angello: Steve Angell-no thanks I’m not a douche.
2o. Tiesto: Why? Who actually likes this shit who has listened to anything that came out after 2000.
21. Zedd: Never really cared. Cool to know that he recently has branched out from electro house into progressive house and dubstep. Those are so much better.
Just sum this up as 2 Many Djs, Cut Copy, Pusha T and even maybe M.I.A. are a big yes. Rest gets an “I don’t know/care” except for MGMT and Eric Prydz which are a “no thank you at all”.
People not Famous enough to headline Ultra but could headline the fuck outta your town-
Big Yes: Cyril Hahn, Dj Snake, Just Blaze, Riff Raff
Big I Don’t Care/Know: Everyone else
Observations: Why is Riff Raff not a headliner? Was Diplo like “I’m ur boss and only I can get top billin”? Otherwise a lot of this is very entry level to EDM.
In sum: Why is there so much electro house and trance around? Is that what the people want? Why? Do they hate life? You can take molly to other music too.
PS Carl Cox and Friends sound like the worst shit ever like it’s a whole stage for Baby Boomers.