Walmer Convenience


I’m fucking 34 years old. To some of you that is mad old. You’re like “that dude is gonna die soon”. Or you’re like “wow, are you a parent?”. Neither apply. And you know what? I’ve outlived Jesus. Yeah. It’s therefore logical to infer that I’m smarter than him, have made better life decisions and you would actually do better to listen to me. Fuck yeah. Now that we’ve cleared that I have unquestionable authority let’s get down to the nitty gritty. What is the worst shit in EDM today. Some would say everything. That’s an acceptable answer. The term EDM is fucking stupid as I explained here.

But what if we were picky? What if we picked the worst of the worst? Let’s stop fucking talking and start doing. I’m gonna force myself to actually listen to this shit for the first time in my life. Here’s the most garbage shit that is for noobs and uncools.



What in the fuck is this shit? They dress like punk emos and then the music sounds like Serbian Euro Dance from 1997. Who the fuck sees and hears this and is like “this is what I want”? Like look at this video:

It’s freakshow imagery paired with music that sounds like what Paris Hilton looks like. It’s like music made for sorority girls trying to teach new pledges how to suck dick by putting a condom on a banana. The lyrics are what 14 year olds write into their jeans. Here I am a grown man, well into adulthood writing about this and all over the world, grownups who call themselves music journalists write about them. Why? Do tweens read music blogs?



Why do people still care about Tiesto in 2014? This is the music he makes:

That track is like what they play in a Wallgreens in small town Oklahoma. People who vote Republican like this music. This is so safe and generic it’s actually certified as hypo-allergenic and fragrance-free. You could squirt this song in a baby’s eyes and the baby wouldn’t feel any pain. It’s that soft and inoffensive. This sounds like a focus group of moms who wear capris came up with this. Do people drive hundreds of kilometers and pay hundreds of dollars just for this guy? There’s a market for this?



I was like “why is this guy voted by whoever votes for DJ Mag as the best DJ in the world, twice?” This seems like music for children. Like single digit age children that have not heard 100 million other fucking progressive house tracks before. I imagine if I was like a 5 year old, I could get really into this. Seems fun. I think he knows this too. Look at this video:

See? Perfect for the young ones. Very inoffensive. Good messages about helping your friends. Adults that like this probably also post shit like this:


Fuck this shit.



Again, what is the actual artistic interest in anything this guy makes. His music sounds like it’s made for people who like Taylor Swift and think she’s edgy. Like, look at this video:

Number 1: that seems like the exact same plot as the Tiesto video with people living free in the American desert. Number 2 isn’t this like the plot of that Britney Spears movie Crossroads or something? Right?

Anyway. I don’t think I can write about or listen to anymore of this music. My dick is getting so soft it might just melt into liquid and evaporate. Basically when did electronic music become drivel that seems to have been made by a committee of girls that work at the front desk in an office who took weak MDMA? So people are going to a major festival to listen to the EDM equivalent of that song that was the theme for “The Hills”?

Oh yeah wait:



Can’t produce. Can’t DJ. Makes racist photos like this. Goddamn it I respect him for making millions. He’s definitely smarter than I am. Can’t hate the hustle. I actually find humour in the fact that at this very moment, there are probably multiple noobs in middle America arguing that he is the best DJ and producer. Somewhere there is a 14 year old boy posting on FB or Instagram or Tinder that Steve Aoki is his inspiration. He dreams of meeting Steve Aoki in his adolescent mind as people who are old like me wanted to meet Kurt Kobain. He thinks Steve Aoki would “get” him. His grandparents are forced to buy him Steve Aoki music at Christmas from the local Target because his mom told them that “that’s all he listens to right now”. They had to ask a clerk “do you have the Steve Aokis music?”.

Human life is a gift.

This entry was published on October 21, 2014 at 1:38 pm. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.


  1. Nailed it.
    Hardwell, Armin Van Buuren, & Tiesto (no, I will not put the “ï” in his name but I will take the time to point out that I didn’t do it, so… yeah…), just GTFO!
    As for Krewella and Aoki. I kinda fux with them on a remixed by (insert competent producer/DJ/remixer name here) basis. Can’t say the same for the other three. Dafuq makes them so special?

  2. ItsDomo_Duuhhh on said:

    Fuck that Krewella is awesome…but what do I kno I grew up on Britney Spears and Spice Girls not Stevie Wonder and Prince… STFU dude ur opinion sucks…YEA I ADMIT STEVE AOKI SUCKS MAJOR **** and is WAAAYYYYYY OVER RATER…BUT being a douche gets u paid apparently…

  3. The truth has been spoken. Dude, you could be my father (you’d have made me when you were young at a shitty hippy festival) but god damn it you are so right !

    • Another guy in his 30s on said:

      dude he claims to be 34, which means he was born in 1980. do you have any idea when hippy festivals were a thing?

  4. Higha Level on said:

    Look Like The Macaroni & Ketchup Caker Walmer IS Still Trying To Talk Like A Higha Level About Music Trying To Get Hits

    Walmer You Are The Mac & Ketchup Caker 5 Year Old Who IS Kindergarden Msuically You Cant Talk On Electronic Music You GVot IOnto Electronic MUsic AFterPut Your HAnds Up For Detroit

    You Are The Bagboys For All These Frauds You CAnt Ever Talk On Electronic Music At All Go Wear Your Kneepads On Queen W & Church You ARe A Pretend Journalist & Wannabe Dj & A Bagboy Wearing Kneepads& GEtting Your $7+Food

    • keep following. thanks for visiting the site

    • Fuckin’ Christ. Lay off the random capitalization you idiot. It makes what you write almost even more unreadable than it is anyway.

      • Higha Level on said:

        Cracker Mac & Ketchup Cakewr Walmer People Tell Me About Your Fake Articles Where You Try To Talk Like Me It Makes ME Laugh You Are A Obsessed Stalker Fan Trying To Talk Like Me

        You Work For Frauds Like Steve Aoki & His Buddys You Wera The Kneepads For Those CRackers So You Talking IS A Joke

        You Are A Mac & Ketchup Caker That Was Using The Term EDM Like A Relkigion Until You Started Talking Like Me About EDm When I STarted Clowing It & Saying Its A Made Up Term

        Yopu Are Another Fraud Pretending To Be Me Online (You Donr That A Few Times Alrready Cracker) You Are The Bagboys For All These Frauds You CAnt Ever Talk On Electronic Music Or Hip Hop At All Go Wear Your Kneepads On Queen W & Church & Talk On Urban & House Music You ARe A Pretend Journalist & Wannabe Dj & A Bagboy Wearing Kneepads& GEtting Your $7+Food

    • You’re an idiot. Stop writing. In fact stop thinking……… Wait you’ve obviously done that long ago. Stop existing.

  5. Right on dude! Some of these closet-narcissists are mostly smoke and mirrors and there target market is 17 year old girls and gay guys. DNB forever =)

  6. Jonathan on said:

    i agree with most of what you said, however tiesto and van buuren already had their time and place. comparing their new stuff to shit fucks like krewella and wtf was that shit head? hardwell? wtf is a hardwell anyways? i can see how you would come to your opinion. that being said, tiesto’s older stuff still holds up- along with some of van buuren’s stuff. i think it was around in search of sunrise 5 that he began to fall off the train. aoki though? the only good thing ive ever heard from that shit bag was the song he did with linkin park. even that was a stretch.

    at 34 years old (i am not that far off from your age either), I am failing to see how your insight has yet to aggregate with the knowledge which seems entirely prevalent in all music cultures. the music scene is dominated by upper-lower class -> upper-middle class women between the ages of 17 and 29. they dont want something meaningful playing on the dance floor whatsoever. that may give them introspect as to why they are drinking themselves senseless looking for a random guy to go home with.

    not all girls are like this, but the ones who show up to shows, who do the drugs, who buy the itunes exclusives, who purchase the records and who buy the swag are. the guys who do it are 1 of 3 things IMO- metrosexual attention whores, homosexual, or there trying to get into randoms pairs of panties.

    being in miami which is one of the most significant areas of electronic music dating back to zen fest in coconut grove and now the famously overpriced Ultra music festival in downtown miami, has given me a keen insight into all forms of electronic music. ive seen people play live, ive been an audio engineer for alot of local acts that have gone on to be slightly less local, and the only thing i know for sure is- dj’s cater to the girls buying drinks at the bar dressed like a slut trying to fuck.

    call it selling out if you want to. its making these guys money. more money than i make and more money than you make with your wordpress hosted blog.

    lastly, props to you for being so bold with your opinion. whether people agree or disagree, you did what they dont. you put yourself out there on your own blog. that my friend, takes courage. dont let them take that away from you sir.

    • thanks sincerely for your well thought out comment. i know very well who is catered to. who says i’m not a dj doing exactly that on weekends ;). i can be making money while still criticizing. i also write for other publications as well. this is where i let koose

      • mary social on said:

        Opinions are perfectly healthy. In electronic communities where most genuinely love music, have listened to varieties of it over time and have a real basis for their opinions, nobody blinks at opinions and engage or ignore .. In other communities more about getting attention, hanging out and being high, the “tastemakers” who orchestrate it sometimes get defensive with conversations that expose shallow — and deflect this, by calling it “hate.” Sometimes it’s healthy to admit being too comfortable with impressionable audiences, some who might be escaping more than really hearing music, and be more inviting to refined sensibilities, rather than hate them.

  7. Another "Grandpa" 32 year old on said:

    The overall issue is mainstream EDM, it all sounds the same for the most part and is structured the same… 4, 8, 16 bar intro, drop, 16 bar main, 16 bar bar main without kickdrum, 16 bar break down, 8 bar build, drop, 16 bar main with flare, 16 bar repeat, 8 bar outro. Touch button, touch button, click, click, slide, slide.

    God, it sounds much like the rise and fall of hip-hop… lets hope that techno/trance/euro dance can have a second coming of underground development like hip-hop. One can only hope.

    Personally I think my list would be longer.

  8. Another "Grandpa" 32 year old on said:

    I have pretty much stayed away from it to be completely honest, same reason why I wont go to festivals.

    You like white bread… this is what it has become.

  9. You forgot the dude that acts like a legitimate 12 year old that performs wearing a giant inflatable Micky Mouse head.

  10. Amanda on said:

    I wholeheartedly agree with this.

  11. i agree they all suck. i used to love 90s tiesto and armin. not they are jsut commercial fucks. ah and u forgot david guetta

  12. “So people are going to a major festival to listen to the EDM equivalent of that song that was the theme for “The Hills”?”

    Lol wow you pretty much described it all in that once sentence. That is exactly what all this music sounds like!

  13. Reblogged this on slantrhyme and commented:
    If you wait long enough, someone else will say it for you. Sometimes they say it better, like in this case.

  14. I agree with this list a lot, a though I am guilty of liking some of these DJ’s songs. As much as they do suck they are most definitely laughing all the way to the bank in there super fancy cars with hot models in them. It’s what the
    masses want so they give it to them and are considered ground breaking and edgy which is sad, but when u was younger the backstreet boys and Britney Spears where considered the same. It’s just the latest fad. Though I have to say you do sound a bit like deadmause….

    • I hope it is mau5, I think it has the same introspective feel, which I quite enjoy. Great read, I agree, the “market” of all these guys seems to be so washed out. They’re grabbing for the younger kids but seem f*kn old, like Armin in his video, running around racing and causing mischief, like a 20 yr old boy, It just seems all to staged. The tiesto video is just plugged with mass marketing: MGM, BMW, Puma, KK nightclub. Just so over the top, it makes it look like a joke. IDK whatever

  15. jimbo99 on said:

    LOL, tell me Krewella isn’t at least visually attractive ? Anything after that is a plus, and even there they’re no worse than anyone else earning a living at it ?

  16. give me a break. 34 is old? whatever. yeah I used to think I was “old” at that age too. lol stupid.

  17. Glad i’m not the only one that’s burned out on generic “pop” EDM marketed to 19-20 year olds. And my friends wonder why I don’t really do the electronic music festival thing anything, hilarious and clever write up man. Thanks for posting!

  18. Zachary on said:

    Annnnnd this is why I listen to Bass Music.

  19. Bobisimo on said:

    all these songs are great lol

  20. laxxx15@gmail.com on said:

    AVB tho…

  21. Armin van Buuren puts out some lame mainstream crap like the song referenced, but he also makes really great music. Check out the song “Intense”, the song “Tuvan”, the song “Colors” with Emma Hewitt, the song “Rain”.

  22. People in Oklahoma, who pay hundreds of dollars, don’t drive kilometers…. They drive miles…

  23. So many people so butt-hurt over genre’s or commercialism or how much more under-ground he/she is then the other person, why does it matter? what started all this was music, why be so closed minded about something so amazing and something that encourages variety, creativity and innovating?
    Coming from someone that would brought up on Led Zepplin, Kiss, Deep Purple and other’s a like i went from playing guitar in pubs as a kid to being in heavy death metal bands as a teen to now a producer/dj.
    And i still have love for all of those genre’s doesn’t necessarily mean i’m their biggest fan but what i love is i can see in most of these bands and dj’s don’t get me wrong there is a lot of fake rockstars and press play djs out there but it’s when the artist’s music clicks with you and you can relate to the artist as a person and be inspired by that person why put other peoples tastes and inspirations down because you don’t necessarily like it.
    This isn’t what music is about. We’re all here because we all get that feeling that music gives us instead of fighting about it why not unite!
    that’s my 2c haha

  24. Lauren Browne on said:

    so the fact that you’re 34 years old is supposed to make me agree with you? Do you think it makes me want to listen to you any more? I couldn’t care less if you don’t like the songs these performers produce, or the people themselves. But to call their music “shit” is extremely disrespectful and immature. Before you call yourself a “grown man,” grow the fuck up.

    • i’ll try not to have an opinion going forward

    • He can call it shit, because it is shit. Things that are valuable, or should be at least, are hard to make. Nothing these people make is hard to produce. They are a product of system that doesn’t produce art. And that’s shit.

      • That's not how it works. on said:

        “Things that are valuable, or should be at least, are hard to make.”

        Unless you’re Picasso.
        Or Jackson Pollock.
        Or Kazimir Malevich
        Or Vasily Kandinsky
        Or Piet Mondrian
        Or pretty much any minimalist artist.

        People place value on things. Nothing is inherently valuable.

  25. Haha. You’re so dumb.

  26. Ok dude, you say AVB suck, and I say you suck. Stop crying over the internet how miserable you are about bad music, and start doing something useful for yourself. Or don’t. I couldn’t care less about all this fucking shit…

  27. Tiesto and Steve Aoki no. Sorry deadmau5 but they are actually bring better and more frequent stuff than you are.

  28. Valerie on said:

    I’d like to know what EDM this 34 year old man thinks is good? Please don’t let it be Knife Party or something like that because that’s not music, its random noise.

    I’d have to disagree strongly with Tiesto. That man is a genius. Sure some tracks are better than others, but for the most part, he’s pretty amazing.

    Aoki, he makes me want to fist pump all over the place. I can’t decide if that’s a good or bad thing.

    I could live without everyone else, van Buuren has put out some good shit in the past though.

    • haha you do know that at least Knife Party writes their stuff? Tiesto is widely known for having multiple ghost producers and same with Aoki. Your opinion is invalid here. I’ll make a track for you to slap your name on. Its yours though right??… Right?

  29. Andrew on said:

    Articles like this make me wish I could articulate an opinion as hilariously.

    Brilliantly written, and spot on.

  30. The scene is dead…

  31. OLIVIA on said:


  32. Flip thomasz on said:

    Im honestly disappointed deadmau5 didnt make this list.

  33. You know I was reading this article and was agreeing with everything until you take a shot at republicans. Well done a-hole, to categorize an entire party to a certain song. The other superlatives work, but a type of song “republicans would listen too?” That’s funny, cause I thought Republicans would be the first to criticize the EDM scene than Liberals (Free spirit and mind, man).

  34. 데드마우스 에미 뒤짐 on said:

    선비새끼들 부들뷰들함^^

  35. This guy is such a cynical cunt. It’s almost like people are different and like different things! No way! Wow.

  36. Joel, is that you?

  37. man, I loved reading every word on this.. I agree on it all.

  38. yeah your 1984 remixes made me bounce like a flat ball… If you can’t feel delirious you might be deaf. Please keep writing and please stop remixing.

    • at least i tried. i’ll prob do both

      • Doyourworst on said:

        Guess the guys you try to drill a 3th by reviewing them are still doing way better then you…
        Maybe some jealousy? Or just a strange attempt to show your weird sense of humor?

        And a little comment on your reviews: Those where all about the videoclips or lyrics… So nothing bad came to mind about the music? You need better arguments if you try to make a statement. Or in this case a “list of the worst”…

        I’d expect you to give at least three negatives/mistakes/f*-ups on melody, build up, bridge, fades, drops, etc. if you’re going to critique the actual music

        Good luck with that

      • i actually did talk about the music. to boil it down it’s generic and as interesting as airplane food

  39. Needs More References on said:

    This article: “Not edgy enough, must be bad.”

    Came for technical, objective reasons why someone is bad; got subjective cancer.

  40. hahaha so funny, nice job

    I am curious what you do think is good in EDM

  41. Marta Schrader on said:

    That’s ok. Not everyone has rhythm, or friends to go out with, or a life. Don’t hate yourself just because the rest of the world and people who know how to have fun are rushing past you, leaving you behind in your sad, boring, non-life. You know the kind — where you wake up, go to your job which, you’re only just “ok” at, and look around wondering if anyone will ask what you’re up to this weekend. Alas, it doesn’t happen because no one cares. So you go home at the end of the day telling yourself you’re cool, even though you know better. Maybe you stop for a drink during happy hour at a local bar only to be turned down by a “6” out of “10”. Then, you go home, eat your meal from a box out of the freezer, blog something that makes you feel far more important than you ever will be, shave your gerbil you’ve ironically named, Richard Gere, and do something you know you shouldn’t be doing (not unlike blogging about the EDM scene). It’s ok. You’ll be fine.

  42. Everyone who made a comment and even remotely tried to defend an artist or their taste is essentially who this dude is making fun of. Thank you all.

  43. Your 1984 remixes made me bounce like a flat ball. I may agree with the teen think tank commercial pop that big name DJ’s play at shows, but dude … produce something better than a video blog before you slam music created by an actual artist… Please keep writing and please delete your soundcloud PLEASE!

  44. Jesus Christ the amount of ppl defending Krewella is sickening. Armin shouldn’t be on this list (not saying that he hasn’t lowered his standards in the recent years) but he def pioneered some good shit. Aoki can fuck off and hardwell is just a pretty boy wana be with shitty tunes. But really back to Krewella….fuck them. They suck. I can’t even wrap mind about how they even became famous.

  45. Missy B. on said:

    tell is about music you think is good besides your own of course

  46. Agree with all except Armin Van Buuren. Yes some of his tracks like ‘this is what it feels like’ have become too commercial and flat; but his success lies in his ‘A State of Trance’ label. Give some of those sets a listen and there is some real talent on there, and are incredible to see live.

  47. Eric B on said:

    Nice!!! These artists and tracks are like the credits at the end of a movie! It’s the shit you here and see as you’re walking out the door! The shit that no one cares about! It all ended in the late 90’s. They are just the final episode of a trilogy gone wrong!

  48. Good research, however why don’t you research on real EDM? and not “producers” just saying

  49. Armin is overplayed and generic as fuck these days, but you know, show the man some damn respect alright? When he was big his first time around, he sort of kind of defined trance music for a decade or two. Learn your shit before you talk it.

  50. Wtf does this guy know? Go back to your fucking cubicle and listen to country like you’re supposed to. To even judge these guys is hilarious. Its like a chihuahua barking at the neighbors. Fucking bitcg didn’t write abiyt anyone else. All of those people are better than you. Go back to your troll cave. Steve aoki has his own business and has twicebas many shows than anyone here. Thus making the most money in 2014. You probably make 10$ an hour going over finances while Steve is making hundred millions. Fucking prick judge yourself instead of judging others.

    • Occular on said:

      because its all about money yeeeaa wooo

    • the dude on said:

      He clearly admits in the article that these guys are smart and know how to make money. Money, however, does not determine what’s good and what sucks. Let’s look at some things that make big money: pop music, McDonald’s, Wal-Mart, Chinese knock-offs, iPhones… the list goes on. What do they all have in common? They all suck. All of them.

      This music is made for people with no fucking brain at all. Armin and Tiesto made respectable and original music at one point, but have long since sold their souls for large mansions and private jets. All five of these artists are now absolutely worthless musically, and the people who listen to their shitty, bland, tasteless tunes are typically just plain stupid.

      • uprightbc on said:

        Did you mean to leave your credibility at the door, or was that a joke comparing McDonalds food to an Apply product?

      • uprightbc on said:


      • Uprightbc: This guy’s argument is totally valid. The reason why he may have less credibility than he could is because he’s letting his biases show through just a little too much, not inherently because he doesn’t like Apple products. Calm down, little hipster.

      • @uprightbc You stupid moron, see, this is what’s wrong with you douchebags and this idiotic society these days, this is the reason why someone like hardwell is on “top”… There was a message in what the dude said, pure & simple, but then you walk in and all that your brain is capable to get is spotting your beloved iphone in a group of garbage-mates.. Brainwash level murican

      • Uprightbc, You are a moron. He was not COMPARING Apple products to McDonlads, he was merely pointing out that they are all in a category that SUCK. There is a difference, but you are too stupid to know that obviously can’t see the difference, and therefore probably listen to all of this shit music. If you do he JUST proved his point, and then some. So why don’t you EARN some credibility and first understand what a person is speaking about before opening your mouth?

      • yeahbut on said:

        apple, strangely, is still worshipped by many as some sort of underdog…

      • True, true

      • John Smith on said:

        When did Armin and Tiësto ever make original music? They’ve always made generic progressive house and trance that were heavily based on sample pack that could be bought from distributors or using whatever the newest top 40 trance synth was.

      • FoxForce4 on said:

        Great article had me laughing right off the bat. Very well written and true as can be. The list was waaaaaay too small but the point shines thru. Besides the misspell on Cobain, flawless article that I thoroughly enjoyed. Thank you.

    • that is exactly my life. do i know you?

      • Don Carlos on said:

        What the fuck are all you damn pussies arguing about… Its goddamn music and just that! People are going to like what they like for a multiple of quite disturbing reasons that will usually make one lock himself in the bathroom and crawl into the fetal position trying to shake the demons away who are telling him to “get wasted”. Gee thanks Tiesto I needed a reminder that my life is so fucked up in relation to yours that now I want to fucking end my life. I love puppies!

    • He’s right. This shit is like Walmart. Yeah, everyone goes there and they make billions, but it’s still shit. It’s for the middle 95% who haven’t experienced anything good enough for them to realize that this music is shit.

    • Jeremy on said:

      ^This guy is exactly who the writer is talking about in the Steve Aoki fans part lol

    • Money = Better music! Er, actually, money in the music business gives us Britney Spears, Justin Beiber… Yes, people buy their music, because they are brainwashed into thinking it’s good and they have nothing with which to compare it. Sorry you like these people; they really do sound like the worst electro-house from 10 years ago. There’s been a decade of musical development since then, and it sounds 1000 times better than this garbage. This stuff sucked 10 years ago, and it’s a fucking disgrace now. You suck, and your taste in music sucks. Balls. Sweaty, after-the-gym balls.

    • You’re obviously mad because your grandparents bought you the wrong Aoki CD.

    • Lol he’s kind of right though. First off, Aoki is a complete joke don’t even attempt to defend this ass clown. I work in the industry and I can tell you first hand this guy gets laughed at by his own peers. Secondly, the only person on here I don’t agree with is Armin Van Buuren and honestly there is WAY better trance out than what he makes. Half his ASOT show is other people’s music that blows his shit out of the water. Just sayin…

    • longlivepinkfloyd on said:

      get a fucking instrument and learn how to play it..you’ll realise what this guy has been saying.

      • Juha Q on said:

        Get music producing software and try to make music, it’s pretty hard to get the sounds right with it too. There is a certain magic in ”instrument music” though. These popular EDM-tracks sound too similar with each other to me and not genial at all, and I can get why these irritate the writer. It’s still somewhat hard to produce even this numb EDM. Think like this: if some genius had a passion for electronic sounds and wanted to make unique music, would he make music? Well that has happened, listen to Aphex Twin, Boards of Canada, Paavoharju, Shpongle, Manual, Chrome Sparks… If you claim that only stupid or pop-oriented people make electronic music which is a vast area, you have to grow up or something. A true genius is ahead of his time, and goes where others wouldn’t dare to go, like making producing electronic music in the 90’s or combine styles that don’t fit in the most people’s opinion.

    • yo mama on said:

      They could make a billion a year and it would still be mainstream fucking garbage.

    • bernowatson on said:

      It’s dumb dockyards like you in the US of A probably who think they only invented Dance Music 3 years ago…. Well if you actually had a brain or knew anything about the proper dance music scene before the US corporate wankers ruined the scene using shite R&B acts to create electro R&B wank… You’d realise the whole scene started in Chicago and New York in the 80s, then went to Europe etc and blossomed after the late 80s in the Uk and other bin European countries such as Holland where Tiesto was a fantastic Trance dj and producer. Now cos of bellend like you hes sold his soul to those corporate wankers you buy this shit from just to make money.

      It’s idiots like you that have ruined the true dance music scene listening to radio friendly shite.

    • You sir are a fucking moron and probably one of the teenagers this dude talks about..
      You think you know music but you don’t know shit… he makes valid points. So fucking what they make lots of money and people go to their shows… millions turned up to see hitler and scientology makes millions but just because it brings in millions doesn’t mean anything…
      Music judged by children who’ve never heard and related to many genres and ‘lived’ is like writing an autobiography at aged 14… each to their own though.
      I respect what he is saying though.. Tiesto may have been groundbreaking once but these other mooks are doing nothing new.. and probably never will..

      • agree!

        ” cos if you go platinum it’s go nothin to do with luck it just means that a million people are stupid as fuck!”
        Immortal Technique

    • Wow look at your reply, I mean LOOK AT YOURSELF!!! This guys article was so spot on that right now you are smallest than the smallest dog with HIV and ebola. Still trying to be tough but in defence of the worst contributors to dance music since we found sticks.

      The fact you even defend Aoki ” You probably make 10$ an hour going over finances while Steve is making hundred millions…” after he says “Goddamn it I respect him for making millions. He’s definitely smarter than I am. Can’t hate the hustle…” proves you can’t even fucking read and digest this glorious blog post.

      Look at you ” Fucking bitcg didn’t write abiyt anyone else.” you’re so angry you can’t even fucking type!!! you love this shit so much hahaha man you’re a fucking beta pleb stupid cunt for life, kill yourself and do it by drowning in the ocean please. I would prefer people to be glad you’re missing rather than grieve your pathetic existence.

    • Hahaha you’re clueless

    • Like me this guy probably grew up watching skilled DJ’s like Frankie Knuckles (RIP) break down barriers between racism, homophobia and class divide to pave the way for less talented people like the above mentioned guys to make millions. Like many of us who grew up in the summer of love and watched as the scene grew evolved and became a way of life I am always amazed that these computer DJ’s almost never credit anyone who influenced them, nor can most of them use technics or even cdj’s instead they rely on computer programs to beat match and sync what they play, there’s no skill involved it’s simply pushing a few buttons in some cases it’s pre-recorded, there’s little to no atmosphere and a majority of the crowd will spend the night taking selfies or filming the DJ on their i-phanny rather than losing themselves in the sounds. Your language like your spelling is truly dreadful and you have missed the point of what dance music sought to achieve in the first place which was a united feeling of love and happiness free from judgement where people could go and forget about their age/race/religion/class and just express themselves to the beats the DJ played. I suggest you go and watch some old footage of the paradise garage or studio 54, you might actually learn something at the very least you might become slightly less unpleasant and even crack a smile. It’s all very well to make millions but it doesn’t buy talent or respect and not unlike these guys Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are proof of that! Doubtless I will get a bile and swear riddled reply but I like the point of this article to quote the Beetles “Money can’t buy you love”.

    • Money money money > artistic merit and doing something original. Right?

    • You sound like a massive blubbering child. If you cant see how this music is generic shit designed to be produced with the minimal cost and effort, but marketed for loads of cash to a load of clueless morons, then youre not doing it right. God, Americans are weird.

    • dropdashit on said:

      c’mon dude he’s right
      these song just smell like shit –‘ it’s not real “electronic” music .. it is just big room shit ..
      so please just respect him xD
      But if you like these good for you !

    • Joe Josephson on said:

      This Alex guy doesn’t sound very intelligent.

    • it’s not about money you stupid. it’s about art.

    • Steve Aoki on said:

      You sir, are why this article exists. Blinkered, gullible naivety, buying into a movement driven by corporate bullshit, making you to part with your money because youre so desperate to be amongst the ‘cool’ kids. EDM is watered down club music made fit for generic consumption in the pop charts. The fact that you assume the writer isnt viewing things from that perspective is hilarious. Money makes the music about as credible as you do.

      Youre why people shouldnt argue with idiots.

    • haberdashery on said:

      Yes, because these people are better than him because of how much money they make by hiring pr teams or in the case of Aoki, already have super rich parents who pay your way to the top. Making money doesn’t always mean you’re talented.

      Let me tell you something kid, I went to my first rave-yes a real one, not this red bull sponsored molly fueled corporate celebrity circle jerk- back in 1992. I was 18. Started djing in 1993. professionally in 1995. just quit two years ago.That old “who you know” shit is true in any aspect of creative arts as a career. I know this first hand. Money, in today’s music is being falsely perceived as talent. And btw, the guy is just expressing his opinion.

    • OPisFGT on said:

      Careful guys, OP is a massive fgt, keyboard warrioring his way to being a 40 year old virgin

    • You’re a nob end mate. Making millions doesn’t make you the best dj/producer. Business savvy maybe but doesn’t equate to good music.

    • Charles on said:

      Since when money is the ultimate way to measure success ? And trust me, I probably make more money that you do…. But so fucking what. Does it make me smarter? Nicer ? More successful ? I doubt it. But this is the fucked up society we live in :/

    • The butt hurt is real.

    • DJ Nice Guy on said:

      First of all, learn to edit and use proper grammar and punctuation, Alex. Second, why don’t you educate us a few points on why these DJ’s are so talented in music theory. If you will notice, every one of these songs starts out in a similar way and then practically makes the same sound when the beat drops. I’m sure you have a lot of fun watching Steve Aoki twist knobs and wave his hands at you while you’re rolling your face off and being zombified like the rest of the millions of suckers who hold such high regard for these gimmicky artists.

    • To be fair…. all that ghost production is expensive so its a good thing he makes a lot.

    • virginia on said:

      ahahhaah pathetic

  51. sean behrens on said:

    Gimme a fuckin’ breakbeat

  52. Talion on said:

    lol, how can you say shit like that? you are an idiot!

  53. Chelsea on said:

    And this is what’s wrong with the world. Keep ur opinions to yourself and stop hurting others because they like or do something different from you. Shame

    • THANK YOU! At least one person here has common sense. It’s all a matter of opinion. Sure their music might suck to you but to “95% of middle America” it doesn’t. Whether or not your taste is the same, it doesn’t make your taste right or wrong. People like Diplo and Dillon have created his buzz and frenzy of opinionated assholes (oh yea Deadmau5 too) and everyone now thinks the constitution applies to expressing yourself about your PERSONAL taste in relation to the general public is appropriate.

    • Nah, people who want to silence opinions they don’t agree with are what’s wrong with the world. He has just as much of a right to say Steve Aoki sucks as the next guy has a right to say he’s the best musician who ever lived.

  54. Cypher on said:

    Hey Author, Great Article but you missed “LMFAO” bunch of clowns doing stupid shit with no real music, and what disgusts me the most is their so-called “Influences” I mean WTF! (read the last line and laugh your a$$ off)

    LMFAO cites a vast range of different influences, such as rappers like Tupac Shakur and Snoop Dogg, hip hop groups like The Black Eyed Peas, Run D.M.C. and Wu-Tang Clan, R&B artists like James Brown and rock bands such as The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Steel Panther[20] and Adam Goldstein, better known as DJ AM, who helped introduce them to the Electro music scene.[21] Also, the duo assert Michael Jackson to be their number one inspiration and they have incorporated many of his style and steps into their dance routines. The Australian dance style the Melbourne Shuffle features heavily in the “Party Rock Anthem” videoclip, fused with US hip-hop dance elements. In 2007, LMFAO attended the Winter Music Conference in Miami, Florida, which the duo says was an experience that inspired their musical and creative style

  55. Andrew on said:

    I’m barely over half this guy’s age and I totally agree with him. Just because they make a ton of money doesn’t automatically make all of their music golden. They just tucked themselves into a comfortable bed of millions of bros and broettes who throw their money at them whenever they take a shit on stage. Why don’t you take a nice, long, objective look at yourself in the mirror before you criticize this guy’s opinion.

  56. Alex, first learn how to properly craft an argument. Maybe pick up a community college course or two. I don’t know if that would help your taste in music any but it sure would make the rest of happy because we wouldn’t have to read your dribble. And secondly, http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/53676205.jpg

  57. you're not wrong, you're just an asshole on said:

    Well… at least deadmau5 thought this shit was funny, so there’s that! (+ this shit is purely subjective, if you don’t like what he wrights, don’t fucking read it dude) and seriously? Mcdonalds might be the biggest burger company in the world, but we all know they fucking suck ass. Talent or musical skill isn’t measured by the amounts of records and sold out show you have, it just tells me that you have a great fucking pr-team (just switch aokis name for bieber and tell me you don’t agree)

  58. I have to disagree with Steve Aoki–he’s a lot of fun, good for the gym–none of the rest are in my collection. :d

  59. Agreeing slightly with Alex, that all of these acts, not just Steve Aoki, have made many important and strategic decisions over the courses of their careers that have got things off the ground, gathered a strong fan base, and maximized profits. I think they are all very good at what they do, however, that is all business and it in no way reflects my opinion of these people as artists, nor does it make them “better” than anyone. Personally, I enjoy very little of these artists’ music and, generally speaking, feel as though they aren’t really “artists”, but very profitable business men and women, who are very good at pushing their “art” (shitty music) on other people. Good for them, their business goals are reached and they get rich and famous. Who cares? Not me.

  60. Totally agree with you with Krewella and Tiesto being shit though lol. The vocals would be great if it was in anything that they do not produce lol. The rest are just eh anyway; I have to stop & actually think of their names to remember what they sound like (which I honestly just do not care at all to do lol) But glad they’re the top 2 on your shit-list! Props to all them though for becoming as successful as they are I guess?

  61. Knows the music industry on said:

    I have to agree with this guy however all these acts do have potential to be good and their earlier works prove this. But when you know how the music industry works you know exactly who to target and how, and who else but people at an age when they are so impressionable. Think about this, who would you listen to if you didn’t listen to the radio, follow the charts or watch MTV or similar, i’ll tell you , a lot better talent! Don’t eat what your fed and find your own taste.

  62. I felt offended because I like armin but It is a good critique.

    Good read.

  63. Loretto on said:

    This is amazing, and anyone arguing against it is likely a 17 year old high school student who couldn’t tell the difference between kraftwerk and fat boy slim

  64. Mikael on said:

    The author is definitely deadmau5. Even the age matches.

    Can’t describe how much I agree with you man..

    Thanks for bringing out those fake musicians into the light, and revealing all the dirt they are stuck in. Unfortunately the big part of the humanity does not have enough mental capacity (like me and you do) to think for themselves. They eat what they are fed on TV.

    It is really sad though that tiesto has gone to THAT from the majestic music he once wrote.

  65. Reblogged this on MAMMASITTA' s Art Network and commented:

  66. hahaha gave me a good chuckle. I’m surprised Basshunter didn’t get a mention…It’s so truly awful it’s like that Chinese Food song by Alison Gold, except an entire repertoire of shit albums based around the most insanely cheesey shit ever. And no Avicii? Hell even Steve Aoiki can produce circles around that lil Keebler Elf looking motherfucker. Formula for “edm” = 128bpm + cheesey saw synth and/or beepy boopy noises + over reverbed kick + bass and snare stolen from Diplo and Pryda + vocal sample that has nothing to do with anything let alone wtf the track is about + no sense of actual harmony, as long as the bass drops, right bro? Just have 32 bars of build 32 bars of drop, dumb vocal sample, rinse and repeat. Also helps to have no gag reflex..yeah I’m lookin at you Krewella 😛 anyway cheers again for a great article

  67. How can you write an article like this without backing it up with what you find to be “good”?

  68. Jane Oh on said:

    I couldn’t agree with you anymore, old man. Electronic music has become overly satuated and I miss when the scene was more underground. Parties nowadays seem to miss the point and the new generation are experiencing what they believe is “life changing”. Kinda jealous quite frankly. I remember the excitement as a young person. Who am I to say my experience was better than someone new to the game. Maybe we can partly blame the lack of credibility due to internet? Despite all this, I still love house, fidget, electro, drum & bass, techno, and progressive trance. We know which djs are the real deal and need to continue showing our supporting. ❤


  70. Listen here old man just because you dont like dont mean other people dont get with the times music is changing but obviously you haven’t what the fuck did you even get out of posting this shit review of shit thats so past ur generation go get a hobby or a root something shut the fuck up

    • So past his generation? I’m almost thirty. Armin put out his first release when I was 8. And neither him nor Tiesto have put out an innovative track since I was in my late teens…

  71. missing DVBBS and Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike

  72. lol you obviously get really bored at home. go find something better to do darling 🙂

  73. This is arguably the best written and most entertaining article I have ever read on dance music. Well done. Finally someone with some intelligence speaks up.

  74. Reblogged this on Terry Gotham and commented:
    I want to buy this guy several beverages and just listen to him talk. Everything here is on point, though he’s a little harsh on Armin. But it’s funny, so I’ll let it slide 😉

  75. timmy turnstains on said:

    fuck you and your mother you rode in on.

  76. Disclaimers and possible nullification of my ideas statement first:

    I’m 31 have listened to off and on since I was in high school. Only within the last 3 years or so have almost exclusively listened to . I have never attempted to create or play the music you bounce off the walls during gigs, I just like the sounds they make and get lost in the music. I am simply expounding my thoughts on the subject…please disregard/accept with however many granules of salt you like.

    Here’s my confusion, if you’re content with “making money yet still criticizing” as you mention in a reply above and you might “be a dj that caters to what the masses want” whether you personally like that kinda music, then why bother? The thought would be, hey, I think the way people are characterizing my craft is shitty but in the end its all about that hustle and hopefully my beats make the people move so I’m just gonna bitch and hope it catches on and maybe somebody currently more important takes my fermenting revolution to the next level and EDM dies and genres are appropriately divided.

    In an earlier posting you mentioned the need for not continuing the use of the term “EDM” using many valid points and citing great references which I concede I agreed with. But you kinda left us hanging with some sort of closure. Was the posting just a rant? was it just to raise awareness while not being prescriptive? what? I know you said stop using the term but how does that divorce look after it happens? Ok Calvin is pop, what is an example of the pure breeds? Is it the groups you are listed as playing with like nadastorm, bro safari, et.al. and what distinguishes the pure breed music from the apparent catch all of EDM?

    Deadmau5 seems to do this a lot via twitter, etc. By this I mean, he’s super wealthy yet takes the time to shit on the little people and big people alike all in the name honing his craft. Or maybe, regardless of money, Joel is Joel and he loves to troll. Is he possibly your savior? Calling people out on their bullshit when appropriate even if it means his detriment?

    A personal anecdote that kinda highlights the point: About a year a half ago, I was at a small 200-300 person venue in DC (The U Street Music Hall) and was listening to . I was enjoying the mode, ambiance and sure the music was good too. I was next to a few people who I eventually found were performing there later that evening. I mentioned to them that I was going to see Calvin Harris (I think GTA opened for them) at a much bigger venue, Echostage in a month or so and these guys verbally ripped me a new one about how Calvin was not pure electronic music, he was shit, that “whole scene” was shit and how they were awesome or at least true to the art etc. When they eventually go up, they sounded very much like the first 2 acts and I sort of shrugged at the whole experience. Watching Calvin live the next month (I will plug GTA here, I thought there pretty good actually) I found myself at some point thinking of that conversation with the dudes about the true art and thought, who cares? I’m enjoying myself with a bunch of other people who seem to be enjoying themselves too, why does it matter what all of this is called?

    Maybe I hit it right there…musical apathy. I dont care what it’s called or subdivided into, I enjoy what I enjoy and fuck the rest. Selfish maybe but at least I’m honest.

    Thanks for reading and keep it up, keep it right up.


  77. Christian on said:

    why do you complain about stuff being inoffensive but apparently Steve Aoki wearing a headdress is offensive to you. Your argument is invalid. Yeah Aoki and Krewella suck but Tiesto, Armin, and Hardwell are the best in the game.

  78. EDM is just like any other genre. 99% of the ‘mainstream popular shit’ is total crap that somehow got hyped into making boatloads of undeserved money.

    I think the issue is that, in America, EDM as a whole is still seen as this ‘non-mainstream’ genre of music, so people hear stuff by Steve Aioki and Avicii and think its some undiscovered treasure trove of groundbreaking new shit and get all hopped up on it without any context of where it stands in the wide world of EDM.

    Just go listen to some Feed Me and ignore all the bullshit on the front pages.

    • Extremely very well put! I had not think it that way. They think it is not undiscovered music but they dont really know that is shit!

  79. Lyrical and visual warfare perfecto I’d like to hear more.

  80. Reblogged this on Kate Grealy and commented:

  81. Hahaha. Could not have put it better

  82. Btw, it’s Cobain not Kobain! And you’re older than him too.
    Maybe it’s easier for you to learn from him and others like Hendrix etc
    I bet they said “that dude is gonna die soon” to Jesus too.

  83. I am Lorde yeah yeah yeah

  84. 100% agree with this list. I’d say you forgot to mention Calvin Harris and Avicii in the list too 😛 I used to love Tiësto and Armin, now I can’t stand the garbage they release -.-
    Do you think you could recommend some artists who still make good electronic music? preferably Trance? ^_^

    • Yo. For a good trance bounce try Ilan Bluestone or Martin Garrix

      • Did you just freaking tell the guy to listen to Martin Garrix for good trance? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Garrix is the poppiest electro house ever, and his tracks take 30 minutes to make. Listen to Armin’s album Intense, there is good stuff there. Also good are Solarstone, BT, Matt Bukovski, Aly & Fila, Roger Shah, John 00 Fleming.

    • Check DJ DAG from germany, hes a living legend there, started playing trance in a radioshow (HR3 Clubnight – check Youtube) in the early 90s, together with Sven Väth. He´s playing on big festivals like Nature One since years. You can find his sets on youtube, soundcloud etc.

      Then other Djs like Moguai, Einmusik, Tocadisco, Markus Schulz, Above & Beyond, Rank 1, Alex Morph & Woody van Eyden….but im more in techno and techhouse. I love trance from the 90s.

  85. I just love to read this guy, to listen this guy, his multiple moods and all that shit that makes him be like acid, now that youll be in Brazil please come to Perú again.
    people here waiting for you -> http://www.facebook.com/Hau5Peru

  86. Hear, Hear. They are bandwagon-jumpers. They noticed that raves are “big now,” got themselves a MacBook and a DAW (that’s a magical piece of technology that makes music, FYI), and pumped out some middle-of-the-road, radio-ready horseshit. And now they pay other people (ghost producers) to do the hard work for them, slap their names on it, and bang underaged E-tarded rave girls in their dressing-rooms. It’s trash, from top to bottom. And the music sucks. A lot. Like, really, really bad. Its made for people who’ve never heard electronic bass before, who hear a dubstep track and go “OMG THE DROP”. Yes, bass sounds good. But other people actually make it into.. y’know.. MUSIC instead of audio filler for Spring Break parties populated by the absolute worst people on Earth (including ISIS).

  87. As a die-hard fan of real underground EDM, i totally agree and support all this guy said in this article. I am 23 years old at this point and i started listening to electronic music since i was 11. Therefore, i have been able to be a witness of the evolution of electronic music for the best and for the bad. It is really hurtful to see how this beautiful music has changed, commercialized and even worst americanized. I think that it is time for this music to go to its roots. Now, armin van buuren has my respect still, he still does more underground music than all of them. He has not sold out completely in my opinion.

  88. The dude in the chair on said:

    What a pish article.. Absolutely shite.. Just wasted 10 mins on the most over opinionated dick ever.. Who are you? What makes you or this article relevant?

  89. EDM is missing lasers, strobe, fog, and dark shady clubs. Everyone should go back to calling everything Techno. Make it easier for grandparents to find a good CD at Walmart.

  90. modernmommymusings on said:

    Bravo! I completely agree with all your picks and could add a few to that list.
    You had me laughing uncontrollably throughout your article. Let’s face it the majority of people like this kind of music right now because it’s pop in disguise.
    Music is subjective.. Sure.
    There are people with good taste and people with bad taste- simple as that.
    And if you’re offended by one person’s opinions on the type of music you listen to.. That’s just a little suspect and very telling in and of itself- what are you a twelve year old? Come on.

  91. It sucks that the term EDM used to represent the category of music that subgenres like trance, house, d’n’b, hardstyle, ambient, etc. were a part of, but now it’s been hijacked and used to describe the music the artists above make (although I don’t 100% agree about Armin in this list). The rise in popularity of EDM is like when a lot of kids wore clothing brands like Abercrombie & Fitch and Tommy Hilfiger. No one really knew why those brands were cool, but you just wore them to fit in. Kinda the same trend following with EDM being the sound of pop music at the moment.

  92. dipshit nigger lover on said:

    Liberal nigger lover

    Go to a gay pride festival and stop clogging up the internet with your over-opinionated-shit-brain

  93. More important. … What do you like listening to?

  94. Milo Riley on said:

    Sometimes I wish electronic dance music kept true to it’s underground roots in cities like Chicago, Detroit, and NYC away from suburbanites, posers, mainstream radio. Most of all away from talentless clowns like the mentioned above. Oh and to those who think Aoki made millions? He was already wealthy thanks to Bennihana’s. His zip code and Hollywood club connections is what helped him. I’ve seen him first hand years ago before he was famous. He can’t mix for shit!!!! I bet a million bucks place any of these fucks in front of vinyl and turntables. They will train-wreck ever blend and stand there with thumbs up their assholes.

  95. I was laughing out loud reading this! Thanks for this article.

  96. I totally agree with you its just so sad to ask someone hey u like electronic music and they tell u shit like this Comme on u get to someone’s house and start putting your jams and they are like what the fuck is that that’s not electronic music and your slaving your ass with some amazing deep house or whatever and the this ass hole comes out with hardwell or whatever it’s just so sad so so sad

  97. I agree with this guy. The city I grew up in was really really big into techno, little place called detroit, and everyone my age (20’s) goes to dance clubs where a lot of different styles get spun depending on the place and night, but nobody ever spins those dj’s song’s listed, and no promoters would touch them – oh wait, when I was a kid my babysitter liked Tiesto- in 1995 lmfao. PS- Said babysitter still preferred straight Techno, deep and dirty.

  98. ciechomski on said:

    that track made is NOT a progressive house track and please stop insulting the genre

  99. I total agree with this..What you young morons, fans of aoki, krewella and other EDM SHIT LOVERS don’t understand is that u are the ones that are contributing in the death of real good music.. that’s why we don’t see good music like pvd – for an angel, greece 2000, storm , 7 days one week, BSOD the hook etc or even artists like nirvana, madonna, beatles, jackson, r.e.m etc who became legends. Nowadays there are only some fucking morons who just come for the money..they will never be legends. are assholes edm fans are only à bunch of fashion asslicking assholes who are killing real music

  100. God bless this dude. Garbage to the fullest!!

  101. Wow, really surprised Big Room EDM didn’t show up somewhere…

    That shit needs to stop.

  102. neville on said:

    you can’t talk bash someone for being racist while writing sexist shit. that’s not how it works

  103. Funny article, I laughed several times, the dick melting away comment (applause). All these artists (term used loosely) are trash. If this article upset you, then make no mistake, you are a styleless, tasteless, mentally inadequate person or just an 8 (or less) year old. In which case you will hopefully make it to 9 years old and obviously grow out of this shit. But if you aren’t 8, and you’re upset, then don’t worry, your obvious early onset of Alzheimer’s will allow for a solid life of ‘ignorance is bliss’. You seriously have a mental disability of some kind.

  104. thereasoniseverything on said:

    Reblogged this on The Reason is Everything and commented:
    Spot on right!? 😉

  105. Robert Moszkowicz on said:

    lmfao loving all the haters! Everyone has their taste, like I can’t stand rappers singing about the same shit and being all gangsta or scremo bands don’t sounds like a raccoon dying. But I don’t care if people listen to it. Anyone that talks shit about other peoples taste and style might be just closed minded.

  106. Bloody hell. Can’t stop laughing. Haven’t ever read such a bad article before.

  107. The honest truth is, is “EDM” gets shittier as it becomes more mainstream. Just a symptom of hitting the wider audiences. “Artists” try to make it with wider general appeal. Its cool though, the best shit will always be underground in the circles of those who know.

  108. Edmissogay on said:

    Fucking spot on the money this article!
    And anyone who read this and was offended by it…. You are the problem with modern music!! Fuck off and eat a dick

  109. Fuck you man.You’re so stupid, how can you write such things about Armin…go fuck

  110. chrislikesgoodmusic on said:

    HAHAHAHA! So awesome! This article is brilliant. Anyone who doesn’t agree is fucking stupid. Nice work living longer than Jesus to! Hope to get there one day.

  111. yourgrandmother on said:

    You’re an egotistical twat.

  112. So racism isn’t okay, but sexism is? have you been to fests where these guys play? they are predominantly populated by the pretty boys!

  113. chris pfoh on said:

    I think you are 100% right on. I, too, am 34 and love dance music… and you could not have said it better about each one of those aforementioned clowns… And for the child hating on this article for dissing these big name stars: you really need to start spending more time listening to as many different producers that you can get to fit on your ipod, if you think any one of those hacks is worth the time you took to defend them. Really surprised to see that I actually agreed with Every selection of worst artist on this list. I have never heard one track from any of them that I have ever thought: ‘wow, this is really charged, emotionally inspiring, interesting to listen to music’. Never.

  114. chris pfoh on said:

    you forgot Douchy Guetta… how he didn’t make the list boggles my mind 🙂

  115. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vy-k0FopsmY just listen to this carl cox set and you will never listen to EDM again =)

  116. this is the truth #believe

  117. Iken Huub on said:

    People that respect others because they make a lot of money (regardless how) still exists? Wow!

  118. bangface on said:

    What the fuck is EDM?`
    America is a fucking weird place.

    *puts Plaid on*

  119. If you backed up why you think these music artists suck I would take this article into consideration. But there is no substance and no comparison to what you think is ‘good’ music. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but an educated one where you understand art, music, society and culture.

    • MoreThenUKnow on said:

      100% Agreed with the article…no examples for better music needed. If you think this is inspired dance music and as good as it gets….wake up! It’s all commercial crap made for 15 year olds! Go have a look in the underground (as in not commercial/billboard related) dance music, and u will hear that there is a lot of inspired, refreshing, high quality, original music out there! And you should base ur decicion on what you like best, not what the charts say is best!

    • Your a fucking moron. The guy who wrote this article is absolutely right. This music is pure shit. I give you dumb brits credit for John Digweed and Carl Cox but everyone on this list is giving electronic music a bad name and teaching kids what not to do.

      • Krewella is from Illinois
        Aoki is from Florida

        Also, it is you’re*… oh, and to each their own. I personally like bluegrass, jam bands, rap, and edm. These shows are fun to go to, regardless of the “talent” put into them. Except Krewella. That show sucked.

    • Rome – If I had an hour of my life to spare, I could make you a list of 20 tracks that are so far beyond what is posted above. Here’s three old school tracks for you… 11 Days – Cold Blue and Del Mar (Sebastian Brandt Remix), Majera – Velvet Sun (Aly & Fila Remix), and arguably my favourite trance track of all time (so very underrated)… Breathe in You – Tekara (aka Matt Darey)… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRmkte9eD-Y

  120. idontgiveafuck on said:

    You’re a techno lover, right? 😅😂

  121. Haha, I am 34 years old and I don’t judge the music like you guys do…
    We were listening to euro dance in our teen years and older generations was laughing at us, and now that we grew up the teens are enjoying their new age euro dance, which isn’t exactly as us old people hoped to be. But, anyway they seem to love it, since they weren’t around to hear the “great old tracks”. They hate that shit, like we hated disco and stuff and we have to deal with it.
    Why should anyone “old” get bothered with what the teens listen except if they work in music industry?
    Just listen to the music you like and don’t care what anyone things or listens. If this is old ICE MC hits or the newest Martin Garrix track. It’s just music 🙂

    • hypnotic on said:

      Spot on honey, this is music for teletubbies’, retarded half-humans with no intelligence, depth, and substance. Unfortunately, the world is full of these zombies.

      • Phuck Goal on said:

        You’re fucking stupid. He said nothing about “retarded half-humans with no intelligence, depth, and substance”. He said there is a difference in the author’s opinion of dance music, and the dance music being put out currently, and mentioning how roles swap with generations. One becomes the annoying music that kids nowadays want, and the other becomes the old stuff that your dad and mom listened to in the 90’s and early 2000’s.

        It’s ironic that someone with an obvious lack of reading comprehension skills would call anyone else a “retarded half-human”. Maybe you should shut the fuck up and keep your obviously shallow and unintelligent opinion to yourself, because you sound like a fucking twat.

  122. Mango Pie on said:

    My biggest surprise is that those “artists” [more suitable word would be businessmen] are under the genre EBM… Im speechless.

  123. Discodiva on said:

    Anyone who listens to this kind of music is full on retard ! You obviously have no depth to your character and have no souls.

  124. I read this and I gotta say spot on, though it pains me how badly Teisto has fallen, I remember when he did good Trance music, before all this……”EDM” bollocks, Amin eh, he was ok but no big loss tbh. Also, all the EDM fans shooting you down, they’re tears are delicious.

  125. Dj Anya on said:

    please stop using the term progressive house. you are insulting real progressive house.
    go educate yourself: insomniac.com/news/how-talk-your-kids-about-progressive-house

    otherwise, spot-on!

    • Please learn how to play an instrument…. “play” button is not an instrument. You are not a musician, so you have no opinion. Buh bye

      • I play the guitar, bass, piano, mandolin, and banjo. So I suppose that makes me a musician, and therefore an opinion.

        EDM shows are fun to go to. I’ve never understood why people hate on others choices in music.

      • roccNcrowdz on said:

        whoa wait a min…to the asshole that said djs aren’t musicians. SMACK YOURSELF. we are just as much musicians as ppl who play instruments. wtf do u think turntables and mixers are?! we are able to manipulate Any part of several different songs to create a continuous sound. there are so many more components to what we do. so before u open ur mouth maybe u should actually try it urself. willing to bet u can’t do it without embarrassing urself. like u did here. jackass

    • DJ No Talent on said:

      Hahahahahahahahahhaahahha to this guy ^

      DJ’s are a pathetic excuse for musicians and the two words should not even be used in the same sentence. It must be super exhausting with all that fist pumping and play pressing you do when you play a live show of your prerecorded loops and tracks which you’ve sampled or stollen from other artists. Hahaha, EDM is a joke. You’re not talented. You don’t “play” anything.

      • The do use some instruments, keyboard is a big part in electronic music. it can be edited to have different sounds, but a lot of it has a lot of piano skills. on that note, some EDM is a joke, i will agree. It is all about the underground, deadmau5 and flying lotus lol

  126. In the deeper you’re right, but only a few can understand the deeper

  127. Higha Level on said:

    Cracker Mac & Ketchup Caker Walmer Cant Ever Talk On Electronic MUsic He Got Into Electronic Music AFter Put Your HAnds Up For Detroit & Was A Bagboy & Steve Aoki Biggest Fan

    Cracker Mac & Ketchup Caker Walmer Is EDM Because He HAs No Clue About ELectronic Music Walmer Was USing The Term EDM For YEars Until He Started Imiatating A Higha LEvel & Going Against The Term

    Cracker Mac & Ketchup Caker Walmer You Work For Frauds Like Steve Aoki & His Buddys You Wera The Kneepads For Those CRackers So You Talking IS A Joke

    Cracker Mac & Ketchup Caker Walmer ou Are A Mac & Ketchup Caker That Was Using The Term EDM Like A Relkigion Until You Started Talking Like Me About EDm When I STarted Clowing It & Saying Its A Made Up Term

    Cracker Mac & Ketchup Caker Walmer Yopu Are Another Fraud Pretending To Be Me Online (You Donr That A Few Times Alrready Cracker) You Are The Bagboys For All These Frauds You CAnt Ever Talk On Electronic Music Or Hip Hop At All Go Wear Your Kneepads On Queen W & Church & Talk On Urban & House Music You ARe A Pretend Journalist & Wannabe Dj & A Bagboy Wearing Kneepads& GEtting Your $7+Food

    • 12inchesofUntzz on said:

      Higha Level – I’m not sure what you are trying to say here, but your mastery of the English language in it’s written form is lacking. Why so many capital letters? They are only required at the beginning of sentances or when proper nouns are used, acronyms etc. Not at the beginning of every work and definitely not in the middle of a word. Perhaps if you went to school instead of complaining about people rejecting the insulting and generic use of the term EDM, you may actually master the English language sufficiently to come up with a more reasonable, succinct, and legible written argument. You’re an embarrassment to humanity and personification of EDM.

  128. dickbutkuss on said:

    Not surprising there’s no authors name on this article. I wouldn’t want my name attached to some pathetically contrived garbage like this either.

  129. BUzz Foster on said:

    Love It! Thanks for reporting on your observations.

  130. walmerfuckingconvenience you are my new fucking hero. After completing a 6 week tour of the US, I can confirm that every ‘club’ is infected with the same vapid, tasteless nonsense spewing forth from every speaker. This is possible some of the most atrocious music I’ve ever had the displeasure of dancing to. No amount of Molly/Mandy can make up for what essentially tunes for 5 year olds. One can only hope they’ll grow out of it eventually and move onto something with more substance.

  131. research please on said:

    The article was mistitled, should be called “The 5 Top Worst EDM songs/videos a 34 year old bothered to google”. Absolutely no research into the music genre, no comments on shows he/she has been to; absolutely no incite or frame of reference for this type of music. I am 36 years old, and based on author’s logic, I am significantly better at life than he/she, and should be followed even more blindly. Join me everyone, in leaving this unfunny hate fest started by a tool; an inanimate tool.

  132. morgueasmrva on said:

    When the microwave finishes cooking my food, the beeping alarm is more driving and interesting than any song by these artists.

  133. long live tha Pheesh

  134. Reblogged this on Coryn Wassik and commented:
    This is hilarious 😛

  135. I agree with everything but the 34 being old part !! youz YOUNG !!

  136. Earthworm on said:

    Good Write up!. I just wonder what happened to all the brilliant talents like – Jerome Isma-Ae, Liquid Soul, Re-Zone, Trentemoller, Michael woods, Answer42, Sys-tech and lot many Progressive artists!! Did they all give up on production? Or people stopped listening to actual music! :-/

  137. This article is on point. All the ‘DJs’ mentioned are complete jokes and couldn’t mix a set without their precious laptops and SYNC button. Hacks!

  138. I…. I fucking love you, mate

  139. I… I fucking love you mate…

  140. well glad i don’t know who any of those cunts are

  141. let them kids discover what’s shitty music and what’s better music , music after all is about feeling good and living the moment , EDM is pretty much ELECTRONIC MUSIC let them call it this , let the music set you free 🙂

  142. Jonar bjork on said:

    they forgot about Elefanktz from brasil…pretty big shit also

  143. Instead of bashing other artists, why don’t you make a blog about all the electronic music you do like? Considering your 34 years old which makes you gods gift to taste in music.

  144. In all of this you are stating how everything unaggressive is terrible. So you obviously you think that Mozzart’s music is garbage to, because it’s not aggressive. Oh, I suppose you would like Angerfist then, because his music is terror.
    And by posting Armin’s worst song, which is the type of music he don’t do most of the time, and by that you are judging his music, you are showing your ignorance and lack of education in EDM.

    • godtox on said:

      Everything unagressive IS terrible because you can’t dance to it. All you can do is “put your hands in the air,” as all these artists instruct people to do several times throughout their live sets. EDM’s biggest acts went from playing/making actual DANCE music to this feel-good pop shite.

  145. You forgot Blasterjaxx, Like Mike & his oppo, Nicky Romero, Martin Garrix and about another 20 I could name, but can’t be arsed, but I suppose your blog had to end somewhere. I can appreciate that overexposure, and even thinking about this music could be detrimental to your health. Like you, this whole ‘EDM thing’ boils my piss, and i’m 15 yrs your senior so i’mprobably older than Moses. Hope you get a knighthood for the article.

  146. unimportant on said:

    I’m a fan of electronic music. 31 years old. Dislike every artist mentioned. But even more so I’m sick of people spewing foolish opinions for no reason. So here’s mine. Bad music is easily avoided. Change the fucking channel & quit bitching. So very sad. Have fun posting your angry comments cause I don’t care & am already long gone. God damn stupidity is nauseating. Have a nice life griping about everything. You’ll regret it when u have a stroke in a few years

  147. Pingback: The Top Worst Acts in EDM Decided by a 34 Year Old Man - JoJo Electro - Fashion for the dance music minded people of the world

  148. Holy crap! If this music sucks or not is not for you to say… No, I take that back. You can say but no one gives a flying fuck what you think. I don’t know who you screwed or who you convinced that your supposed to be the voice of thirty somethings on this sites editorial staff to allow you to waist our time as well as theirs about what shitty music does or does not sound like (forgive the run on sentence). The musicians you pointed out must be doing something right because their making money. Surely no one paid you for this piece of shit, right? So in closing, I suggest you rethink the subjects you choose to write about because I’ve read Internet trolls post that have had better tact and execution then this lack luster illustrated article. O’yeah I almost forgot….was the “people that vote republican” comment your attempt at making yourself seem cool? I usually vote conservative especially on fiscal matters you dick bag. If you vote like you pick what to write about do me us all a favor and don’t fucking bother voting. You’ll just fuck it up for the rest of us.

  149. Blue6969 on said:

    Wow!_! Im45& I thank God this 34 yr old ” KNOWS IT ALL( what a dumbass, he doesn’t know anything, xcept to think he’s above everyone b/c of ” underground”, like only ” underground” music is acceptable for him and he’s cool, he didn’t liste any other artists, or underground, b/c it’s just that, UNDERGROUND, which is just as shitty- hey know it all, when will u die, since you’ve outlived Jesus

  150. Anhis2yo1 on said:

    armin van buuren is making more money every year than you will make in your entire career. are you mad?

  151. LOL that first paragraph though.

  152. There sure are a lot of haters in this world nowadays. Personally people like the writer of this article are like the people in IS and Al Quada….haters. Oeh…that ain’t nice! I know, but I am trying to make a point here: why all this hating?! The guys he names aren’t my favorites, but they are hardworking people who built up a fanbase that most of us dj’s can only by jealous of….and it feels to me that 99% of the people who write these articles or agree on these articles are just that: jealous…
    As long as these guys don’t go screaming around that they are greater then God Himself and show their fans and other musicians respect, let them and their fans be. Focus on your own music and scene, enjoy the hell out of it…and leave other people be. A better world (or musicscene) starts with your own behavior…

    PS: I am 38…

  153. Damn right. The list of these DJs is simply terrible. If you want to listen to some good house music, check this out:

  154. kerrysmallman on said:

    Couldn’t agree more.
    I have a theory why EDM sounds shit to us…

  155. I am 39 years old and I love EDM, this man has helped me realise why I am out of touch with todays EDM, its not been made for me, its been made for mass market, and not for people who truly love the roots of EDM and its purpose. Under ground forever!!!

  156. You’re mad cause you know you’ll never be as good as these acts

  157. Notasinglefuckgiven on said:

    Well, all I want to say is that you’re just an old stinky piece of shit dude. There’s a reason why these so called “stupid” EDM artists are loved by more than a million times of the people who love you, globally. Also, if you really have made better life decisions than Jesus himself, then why do you get to sit in front of a computer and write stupid articles that no one cares about and earn in cents while these people enjoy what they do, party and make billions.
    Stupid article. Fucking stupid 34 years OLD piece of crowshit. Start acting your age now and stop being so wannabe by insulting EDM just cos everyone thinks It’s cool. And mind your language, what will your kids think when they read what their dad wrote about the artists they love. Fuck off now.

  158. Hahaha.. f*cking excellent article. I agree 50000000000%

  159. Don't care on said:

    What’s up with the middle age jimmy neutron looking mother fucker in hardwells video

  160. Pingback: The Top Worst Acts in EDM Decided by a 34 Year Old Man - Electric Avenue ATX

  161. I couldn’t agree more with this.

  162. you may be my spirt animal…

  163. This is the best thing I have read in quite a loooong long time. I have not been to any of these so called electronic parties, cause just seeing the line up makes me feel soooo disappointed, what has happened to the real thing? To real electronic music played back in the day?, I don’t even think I’ve had the chance to experience it live, except for a few times in small clubs with some awesome local DJs that actually make their own music and not just noise, and even when they do mix, they so it with such class, no “noise”… My respect to the guy that wrote this, I want to buy him a nice steak dinner!! And then have alooong conversation about the kind of music that should be playing arod the world, and the kinda crap that should just be banned!

  164. Suck. My. Dick. on said:


  165. RealityCheckNow on said:

    If you don’t like “EDM,” it’s because you either don’t do enough drugs, or you’re not doing the right drugs. Sounds to me like all the author does is sit around, pop Vicodin, and type blogs about everything he hates…which is probably everything since he’s hypothetically a pill-popper. I’ve got the balls to say what no one else does, which is that electronic music is made for drugs. You can say, “Oh, it’s about the unity of the fanbase,” or “Oh, it’s about peace and love”…but the emergence of EDM was a direct result of Michael Clegg’s flooding of the southern US with MDMA in the 80s (combined with a similar event in India). Fuck everyone else that wants to whine about EDM in any fashion. If it’s too commercial, make some yourself, because you are obviously the professional and an expert in how EDM is supposed to sound.

  166. u forgot chase and status and david guetta

  167. JohnnyB on said:

    A very amusing article to say the least. That bit about Jesus had me in tears.
    Only reason I’m commenting is I hope some of these seriously butthurt commenters check out the rest of your site. I’ve gotten lots of great free music and loads of laughs over the years from your blog. These haters just make themselves look stupid accusing you of doing no research while they’ve never seen anything past this one article on this site.
    But that only aids to make their comments even funnier. Kudos to you.

  168. @34, you’re already past it old man.

  169. any one whose actually into music knows all the cats already suck 2-3 bags of dicks a night, they are awful awful marketing cash fed shit artists who work harder to get on MTV than they do in the studio to make something thats not a generic piece of shit. Its all about the $$ for these goons, they don’t care as long as someone buys it or they get a promo deal with fucking bud light (CC steve aoki). I would love to fight any of these dj’s in person for the pain and suffering they’ve caused the world.

  170. i feel you i luv you

  171. Will you marry me?

  172. I’d like to ask for your hand in marriage

  173. Brilliant … Thanks for bringing out the worst phase of electronic music life … how america finally butchered yet another movement of music to serve pedestrian pop … how these ballads are as good as bon jovi … Pathetic these producers of POOP.

  174. I wasted time reading this. And I´m 3 years smarter than you.

  175. rave music 4kidz, nuthin wrong with that, takes time to develops more sophisticated tastes – every dance generation enjoyed a bit of cheese, maybe even what got them into it.. min you beatport chart top 5 all sounds like same track… hmmmmm

  176. Martin on said:

    Let’s do a list of crappy rock, pop, country….. There´s a lot of shit music out there!
    Especially in rock music!

  177. Marry me please! Together we will fight this battle against EDM. Seriously though. I feel you.

  178. Dear old guy: Im 16, I like music of different genre, including rock, indie, reggae and specially dance music. I think you are not as smart as you say, because if you are, then you wouldn’t be wasting you’re time writing that shit, and most of all, you wouldn’t be giving invalid arguments about what you like and what you don’t. I totally understand when you say you would like to meet kurt cobain, but I also understand those 14 year olds who would like to meet steve aoki. If you are a 34 year old guy you should be mature enough to respect other people’s passions and preferences.

    Find something more intresting to do with you’re life,
    My regards.

    • you have been sold a bill of goods my child, by the multi-billion dollar corporate pop music industry whose main agenda is to make everyone sound like Coldplay. i can tell you that they don’t value innovation or creativity, only their bottom line, which is reflected in the rehashed and reused song structures and ridiculous trance-stab schlock-synths that they use as instrumentation. please. i beg of you. don’t be taken in by their marketing scheme. look further into underground dance music (anything NOT called EDM) and you might be very pleasantly surprised at what you might find. people who create their art with little attention to how much $ they might make, but for the pure passion and the art of creative expression. check out http://www.femmecult.com for some artists in the vein of what i’m referring to..

    • 1. Your =/= you’re.
      2. This isn’t a serious article.

  179. What I love most of all, is that EDM did not take you seriusly, and laugh at this right now. So do I.

  180. Spot on. You only left out that Aoki is a cake throwing asshole. Who the fuck thinks its cool to have cake thrown on you. I cant believe no one throat punches that douche.

  181. Carlos pacheco on said:

    Omg some one give him the fuckin manager place In DJMag
    fst change: if you 18 you can vote
    scnd change: didnt you Just read the frst one. . . Than fuck of

  182. Pingback: I COMMENTI DI UN 34ENNE SULLA EDM E I SUOI DJ | Parkett

  183. something on said:

    Im not a sigle digit kid nor a teenager. I like tiesto, hardwell and steve aoki, most of their musics. Seen aoki live and was a great show.
    Your criticism makes no sense. Tiesto has been DJ since before you were able to listen to his music, his club life radio show is great. For a 34y old you should have more respect for a DJ active for 20years and still appreciated.
    You trash kids dreams because they want to meet somebody you dont like? even if you were a kid this criticism would still be more stupid than their dreams you are criticizing.
    The video of hardwell you posted is about nostalgia. Single digit kids dont understand this concept so your argument is invalid.
    I wont comment on the other ones as i do not know them.

    You are just a mouthful hateful man reaching middle age who is jealous of youth and criticises their taste with meaningless arguments.
    Maybe you should think about doing things appropriate to your age like starting a family instead of listening to music which is meant for youth.

  184. jo5emat on said:

    What about Avicii?

  185. thank you, you made me smile 😀

  186. ah yes, nirvana was so much better than this lmao

  187. in the real world you can’t do anything to stop them , but in 16 bits cyber space, you might have a chance https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/drkucho/ghostsn-djs-edm-retro-arcade-lampoon

  188. WELL.. you nailed it. But I think there are more terribad acts out there, waiting to be listed. What I found more hilarious than the article was the amount of butthurt the tweens are exhibiting. WONT SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE BRAINWASHED CHILDREN

  189. I so agree with this amusing article. Been listening to, DJing and producing electronic music for over 20 years and this new EDM garbage is the worst shite I’ve ever heard come across the spectrum. I honestly have a hard time even including it in electronic music as a whole as to me, electronic music has always represented a more experimental, underground approach and this EDM crap is nothing but generic pop with 4.4 beats and saw tooth synths. Sure, those sounds are in electronic music too but EDM took it, smashed it apart and just took the little sugary, candy-coated bits that were the most sweet tasting and instantly gratifying while leaving all the complex and interesting bits on the floor. Fuck EDM. I hate generic bubble-gum pop anyway. Why would slapping a generic house beat on it make it any better?

  190. musicalpoop on said:

    i totally feel you on this subject, like a 14 year old feels the artists you’re slagging off. salient fact is that 3 out of 5 of those artists are Dutch. you can imagine the horror every time you put on the radio in the Netherlands. luckily there’s lots of good underground stuff going on here and great music from other countries so easily available nowadays.

  191. hit the nail on the head. and s/o to the author for calling out aoki on his racism. real tired of seeing those “spirit hoods” everywhere. its just disrespectful man don’t wear them

  192. Pingback: ::: An Angry 34-Year-Old Lists His Least Favorite EDM Acts ::: | xbs111.wordpress.com


  194. Great list! I dont agree w/ Krewella – that track sourced is wack indeed – but seeing them live @ paradiso ripped my face off and made a lasting impression – they’re all about that hardcore when its live, total BADASSERY


  196. Yeah, cool article 😀 Hope it opened door to discussion.
    … but you forgot to include Guetta and the stupid kid Garrix or what his name is…

  197. Now I am like 14 yo girl who wants to meet the guy who wrote this article cuz I so fucking love your writing style and probably also your personality xD

  198. traci009 on said:

    Who cares…it’s music. Subjective. Yawn. Ugh, you sound like a baby…a 35 year old baby. NEXT.

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